It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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