mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The beer is more important than you right now.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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