so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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