the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
