piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
