Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
