Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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