WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
