Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
