So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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