If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think a kid would responsible me up
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
