Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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