i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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