i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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