booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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