He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
