His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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