Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
