I'm gonna have a badass scar
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
