it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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