and you said cock pushups were impossible
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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