Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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