The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
