just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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