Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
