I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
