Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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