Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
