Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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