Sponge bath it is.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
third nipple confirmed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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