Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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