Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
