This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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