The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
