The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
