masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
