whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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