please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
