remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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