How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
