She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
