I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
