He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
