Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
