New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
