reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
