Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
