We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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