Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
