Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
