Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize