Tell her she can't have a vagina
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
