Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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