Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
