I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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