note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We need a shit load of segways right now
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize