I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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