i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
