She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
