Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
