You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize