I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize