she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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