New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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