Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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