Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I supernannyed him into submission
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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