I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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